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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Match
Teeth
Gave
Told
Four
Others
Cavities
Tooth
Dentist
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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