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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Four
Others
Cavities
Tooth
Dentist
Match
Teeth
Gave
Told
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I can't get no respect.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Rodney Dangerfield
Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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