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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wait
Couldn
Waiting
Sneezed
Time
Tinsel
Grandpa
Afford
Till
Christmas
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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