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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Afford
Till
Christmas
Wait
Couldn
Waiting
Sneezed
Time
Tinsel
Grandpa
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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