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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Mother
Kids
Home
Gonna
Mark
Respect
Told
Running
Away
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Rodney Dangerfield
