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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Men
Offered
Ride
Stranger
Unless
Respect
Told
Take
Never
Candy
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
Rodney Dangerfield
