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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Respect
Told
Stand
Went
Kids
Coaster
Men
Coasters
Roller
Straight
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Rodney Dangerfield
