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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Men
Coasters
Roller
Straight
Respect
Told
Stand
Went
Kids
Coaster
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
Rodney Dangerfield
