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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Stand
Went
Coaster
Kids
Coasters
Men
Roller
Straight
Respect
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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