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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Went
Kids
Coaster
Men
Coasters
Roller
Straight
Respect
Told
Stand
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I can't get no respect.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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