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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Saws
Respect
Friends
Keep
Kids
Ends
Remember
Runnin
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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