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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Runnin
Saws
Respect
Friends
Keep
Kids
Ends
Remember
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
