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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Beautiful
Adieu
Proper
Mets
English
Girl
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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I can't get no respect.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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