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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Traction
Bought
Ended
Ways
Book
Way
Make
Love
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
