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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Traction
Bought
Ended
Ways
Book
Way
Make
Love
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I can't get no respect.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
