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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Make
Love
Traction
Bought
Ended
Ways
Book
Way
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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