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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Traction
Bought
Ended
Ways
Book
Way
Make
Love
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
