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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Traction
Bought
Ended
Ways
Book
Way
Make
Love
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I don't get no respect
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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