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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Like
Rope
Pool
Shooting
Sex
Life
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Rodney Dangerfield
