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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Morning
Turns
Night
Twice
Thinking
Thinks
Yeah
Sex
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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