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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lousy
Bed
Second
Told
Went
Wife
Opinion
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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