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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lousy
Bed
Second
Told
Went
Wife
Opinion
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
