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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Bed
Second
Told
Went
Wife
Opinion
Lousy
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
