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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Went
Wife
Opinion
Lousy
Bed
Second
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
