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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wells
Dancer
Well
Christmas
Something
Fronts
Front
Poor
Lawn
Kids
Lawns
Littles
Presents
Little
Dropped
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
