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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Something
Fronts
Front
Poor
Lawn
Kids
Lawns
Littles
Presents
Little
Dropped
Wells
Dancer
Well
Christmas
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
