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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Littles
Presents
Little
Dropped
Dancer
Wells
Christmas
Well
Fronts
Something
Front
Poor
Lawn
Kids
Lawns
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield
