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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Stories
Brought
Made
Worse
Childhood
Never
Started
Story
Father
Greedy
Mother
Breakfast
Another
Awful
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I can't get no respect.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
