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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Made
Worse
Never
Childhood
Started
Story
Father
Greedy
Mother
Breakfast
Another
Awful
Stories
Brought
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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