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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Another
Awful
Stories
Brought
Made
Worse
Never
Childhood
Started
Story
Father
Greedy
Mother
Breakfast
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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