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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Place
Reality
Different
Writing
Fifteen
Good
Jokes
Wasn
Since
Happiness
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
