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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Writing
Fifteen
Good
Jokes
Wasn
Since
Happiness
Place
Reality
Different
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
Rodney Dangerfield
