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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Donate
Shape
Shapes
Fiction
Science
Body
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
I can't get no respect.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
