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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Went
Gambling
Lasts
Shot
Last
Gun
Tell
Opening
Never
Shots
Track
Horse
Week
Agreed
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I can't get no respect.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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