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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Last
Gun
Tell
Opening
Never
Shots
Track
Horse
Week
Agreed
Went
Gambling
Lasts
Shot
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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