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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sprained
Ankle
Ankles
Fell
Idiot
Golf
Son
Playing
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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