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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sprained
Ankle
Ankles
Fell
Idiot
Golf
Son
Playing
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
