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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ankles
Fell
Idiot
Golf
Son
Playing
Sprained
Ankle
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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