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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Son
Playing
Sprained
Ankle
Ankles
Fell
Idiot
Golf
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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