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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sprained
Ankle
Ankles
Fell
Idiot
Golf
Son
Playing
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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