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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Stars
Night
Come
Like
Teeth
Wife
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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