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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Come
Like
Teeth
Wife
Stars
Night
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
