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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Firsts
Everything
First
Thing
Married
Wife
Names
Mother
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
