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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Firsts
Everything
First
Thing
Married
Wife
Names
Mother
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
