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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Thing
Married
Wife
Names
Mother
Firsts
Everything
First
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
Rodney Dangerfield
You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
