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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Everything
First
Thing
Married
Wife
Names
Mother
Firsts
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
