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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Technique
Dog
Dead
Learned
Taught
Wife
Play
Sexual
Roll
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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