Quote

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Play
Sexual
Roll
Technique
Dog
Dead
Learned
Taught
Wife

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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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