Quote

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Taught
Wife
Sexual
Play
Roll
Technique
Dog
Dead
Learned

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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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