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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Bathroom
Ten
Took
Percent
Middle
Night
Home
Survey
Men
Surveys
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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