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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Middle
Night
Home
Survey
Men
Surveys
Bathroom
Ten
Took
Percent
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I can't get no respect.
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