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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Middle
Night
Home
Survey
Men
Surveys
Bathroom
Ten
Took
Percent
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I can't get no respect.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
