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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Night
Home
Survey
Men
Surveys
Bathroom
Ten
Took
Percent
Middle
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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