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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Shows
Home
Better
Honey
Find
Seeing
Come
Lasts
Time
Last
Show
Girl
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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