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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Find
Seeing
Come
Lasts
Time
Last
Show
Girl
Shows
Home
Better
Honey

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
Rodney Dangerfield
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
Rodney Dangerfield