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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Show
Girl
Shows
Home
Better
Honey
Find
Seeing
Come
Lasts
Time
Last
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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