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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Two
Bucks
Right
Supporting
Fighter
Save
Tough
Wife
Tell
Buck
Mother
Fighters
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
