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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asleep
Fell
Respect
Wife
Hand
Hands
Lit
Cigarette
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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