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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Uniforms
Army
Gave
Respect
Dark
Thing
Glowed
Uniform
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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