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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Uniform
Uniforms
Army
Gave
Respect
Dark
Thing
Glowed
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
