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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Uniforms
Army
Gave
Respect
Dark
Thing
Glowed
Uniform
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
