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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Uniform
Uniforms
Army
Gave
Respect
Dark
Thing
Glowed
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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