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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Glowed
Uniform
Uniforms
Army
Gave
Respect
Dark
Thing
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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