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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Thing
Glowed
Uniform
Uniforms
Army
Gave
Respect
Dark
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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